Thank God I Didn't Switch Out

A few months ago I contemplated transferring out of AP English 12 to regular English. For me it was one of the hardest decisions and it took me awhile to finally decide.

One minute I would say, “I’m going to take the stress away and go to Carlson’s.” The next I would be saying, “I’m going to push myself and stay in Caffey’s.” I asked my friends, “Should I stay in Caffey’s or go to Carlson’s?” They would answer with one or the other. I thought their answers would help, but I just couldn’t make up my mind.

Finally I made up my mind. I went to Mrs. Percy’s office to ask her if I could switch out of Mrs. Caffey’s into Mr. Carlson’s. She replied, “Well you would have to talk Mrs. Caffey and Mr. Carlson to see if they would allow you to switch this late into the semester. May I ask you why?” I thought about the real reason why I wanted to switch. I told her, “I need an A in English in order to get a full tuition scholarship and I don’t think I can do that in Mrs. Caffey’s.” She understood and told me to come back once I’ve talked to them.

I was kind of hesitant to talk to Mrs. Caffey. At the time, I was nervous and scared of what she would say. It was seventh hour and I finally got the courage to talk to her. I walked down the hall into her classroom with my mind set on switching to regular English.

I sat down in the chair next to her desk thinking about how to start. There was no perfect way to tell her, so I just blurted it out. We had a long discussion with some tears shed, but I ended up walking out her classroom with my final, final decision, which you all know what it was.

I decided that I wasn’t going to take the easy way out. I had already pushed myself through thousands of obstacles, so why not push through another?

Honestly, I’m glad that I didn’t switch out.

One day I was sitting in my usual chair listening to everyone talk about something that didn’t pertain to what we were supposed to be doing and that’s when I knew I made the right decision.

This class hasn’t been just another class. It certainly has been a struggle stepping or trying to step out of my comfort zone. Besides all of the school work, I have had a great time listening to everyone’s hilarious stories and life lessons. Every time I walk into class, I know that there will be lots of laughs and every time I walk out of that class my day is so much better.

I just want to thank Mrs. Caffey for convincing me not to switch out her class. I’d like to think that she has made me a better writer and presenter. She has challenged me to do better and be better. That’s why I really will the class and especially her.

P.S. There is a high possibility that I will not become the President of the United States.

Decision Making

Thursday night I walked into the kitchen not knowing what I was doing and then I heard my stepmom ask me, “We are going to Phoenix this weekend. Do you want to come?” I wondered why they would be going because they only go on special occasions. Then it hit me, the girls’ state softball game was going on. I contemplated going.

My mind was listing the pros and cons of whether I should go or not. The “devil” in my head was telling me that I could get away from this windy weather, go swimming, and maybe even go shopping. That sounds like the perfect weekend right? Wrong.

The “angel” in my head was reminding me that going would mean spending money, sitting in hot weather for hours, and stressing like crazy over homework on Sunday night.That to me was an unsettling image.

By now you’ve probably guessed it. I declined the offer to spend the weekend in Phoenix. You’re probably thinking I’m crazy right now, but trust me I have good reasoning.

I noticed that I just can’t  jump at any fun opportunity anymore. There are factors that go into my decision making now. I have to think of my grades, my health, and my finances. I’m not a child anymore. I am an adult and I have to think of my what will benefit me in the best way.

I mean I could’ve took my laptop and did my work on the way to Phoenix, but I’ve tried that before and it didn’t quite work out the way I wanted it to.

As for the finances, I don’t currently have a job, so I’m tight on money. I have both high school and college expenses to pay for. My stepmom even told me that I wouldn’t have to spend any of my money, but I don’t really like it when other people pay for me nor do I like asking for anything. I’d rather do nothing than spend other people’s money.

Since I didn’t go, I got to spend my weekend by myself all alone in my house. I woke up, watched Netflix, cleaned, and did homework. I walked around the house several times trying to find something to entertain me. Because it was only me, the house was quiet as a rock. I either kept the tv or music playing. I was bored out of my mind. It felt weird not talking to anyone.

From this experience, I’m glad I have school to keep me busy and out of the house. I don’t know how I would survive staying home every single day. I’m also glad to have friends and family to talk to. Communication is a great gift.

Although I was super bored and lonely, I think I made the right decision of staying home this weekend. I probably saved a lot of money and saved myself from some awkwardness. If I went, I would probably be typing this blog late tonight, stressing. And that right there is why I’m thankful I didn’t go.

Talents

All my life there was always a question of what my talents were. I was never able to respond quickly with an answer. I would think and think, but nothing would come to mind. Then I would just come up some random talent that I could possibly be good at. It would put me down to think that I had no talents.

The teachers and adults would say that everyone has a talent, which I now realize is actually true. They would also say that a talent could be as simple as being a good listener or talking in front of a huge crowd. When I used to think of talents, I usually thought of drawing, singing, dancing, or something really extravagant. Now I know that there is an endless list of talents one can possess. It doesn’t have to be similar to everyone else or be extremely interesting.

Finally after years of question, I know what talents I have. Unlike my younger self, I could say a whole list of them. I am content and proud of myself for what I can do. I’m really good at solving math problems, sewing, organizing, and, yes of course, listening. Out of that whole list, organizing/ cleaning is probably the one most important to me.

Why, you might say? Well because that is what I do whenever I am bored and it is a great stress reliever. That may sound a little weird because you might think that the more I have to clean the more stress, right? Not for me.

There is just something about cleaning that takes my mind off of everything. It may be because I am focusing on getting a particular thing clean or because of my OCD, but it somehow helps.

I am thinking of this now because I could possibly turn this “talent” into a lifelong career or a on-the-side job. With graduation and the start of college coming, I want to make decisions that I will be happy with. I want to put my natural talents to use, so I can be confident that what I am doing is my best possible work ever.

I believe that I was given these talents for something useful. I could give back to the community. I could use my talent of sewing to make clothes for the poor or use my math solving skills to build a rocket ship. Whatever I decide to do with these so called talents, I will be glad to have something to give back to this amazing world.

Laughter

Well I just crossed off another task off the long list of what is left to do until graduation: senior pictures. Now it’s time to order graduation announcements. Then after that I have to send them out and so on. This is how senior year has been so far. There is constantly always something to do. Once one thing is done, I’m onto another.

There is just so much to do-- scholarships, announcements, prom preparation, and college expenses. It has pushed me to the point of constant stress and worry. With everything going on, I used to feel like there was nothing to take away the stress except graduation.

This weekend changed my mind and it taught me two things: check the weather the day you plan to take pictures and most importantly, take a moment out of the day to just have a good laugh.(For a quick explanation on the first part, I took my pictures on Saturday by a lake and it was very windy. My “photographer” and I had trouble getting a good picture, but we had to work around it. End of story. )

It had been weeks since I was able to spend quality time with my two sisters. When we are together, we have the best time. Nothing else could compare to it. Like other sisters, we argue, but they are the two people who could make me laugh the most.

After my pictures were done, I had time to think on the way back to Holbrook and I came to the realization that I hadn’t laughed the way I had that day for a long time. Usually laughing will come easily to people and they can laugh at anything. For me, it has to take something hilarious for me to really laugh. That’s what happened that day.

When I am around them, everything comes naturally and I can be myself without worrying about anyone judging me. I don’t have to contain myself and hide.

It actually felt good to just laugh and have a good time. That may seem sad, but that’s normal for me and I’m okay with it. I think of it as saving a good laugh for something worthwhile and memorable. I still have a lot of homework and studying to do, but when I am on the verge of breaking down or giving up, I will think of that little memory, stop and just laugh. 

In honor of National Siblings Day, I want to say that having a good laugh with your siblings and those who you consider your siblings is a blessing. Don’t take those moments for granted. I know I did and the only few ones I get, I remember the most. I am and will forever be incredibly thankful for the many laughs and  wonderful days I have with my amazing sisters and brothers.

More Than Just a College Class

To be able to earn college credit and high school credit at the same time is such a privilege. I don’t even have to pay for these college credits because they are “free” (Well not actually because, according to Mrs. Nafziger, there is no such thing as a free lunch). By the end of the school year, I will have at least 32 college credit hours from Calculus 1, Calculus 2, AP English 12, Trig./Pre-Calculus, and Child Development.

From taking these classes, I have had the chance to see what college is really like and I’ve learned a lot of life lessons. But out of all these classes, I would say that Child Development is one of the greatest.

Yes, I have learned about the development of children, but I was able to get hands on experience. Students who take this class are able to go to an actual daycare every other day to work one-on-one with children. I was required to teach the preschool room a lesson at least twice a semester.

I, personally, am grateful for this experience.

I first started going to the daycare my sophomore year and it was amazing. Every two weeks our group of about three or so students would be assigned to either the preschool, toddler, or infant room. Each room was something different.

I liked the infant room because I would get to hold babies and hear their cute laughs. I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy that? I also liked the toddler and preschool rooms because children have so much energy and they would improve my mood that day.

This year is my third year going to the daycare. At the beginning of the year, I wasn’t planning on taking the class, but I somehow ended up adding it to my schedule. I’m glad I did.  I practically grew up with the children. To anyone who takes this class, I’m pretty sure that you will build a personal relationship with them. You just get attached. I know I did.

I got the chance to watch the infants pass important milestones of their life, like learning how to walk, talk, write, etc. The children who were in the infant room my sophomore year are now in toddler room. The toddlers are now in the preschool and the preschoolers are now in Kindergarten.

Every now and then I reminisce on hilarious moments I’ve had with the children who are longer there. I’m pretty sure during finals week, I’ll tear up knowing that I may never see the children ever again.

Ever since junior high I knew that I wanted to pursue a career involving children. This class made me even more sure about that. I’ve noticed that when a child is barely learning or needs an extra hand I want to be the one to help. While I am college,I want to work at a daycare to continue learning from children and helping them.

I will be forever thankful for this experience and for the many life lessons I’ve learned.

Family Memories

I remember when I was younger living on the reservation, life was so simple and fun. I had a family that was close, like literally. We all lived within a mile of each other. My grandparents, aunts, cousins, we all had our little big land we resided on.

I guess I never realized it, but I was lucky that I didn’t have to travel far to visit relatives.

Even for holidays, we would just drive about half of a mile to get to the celebration. Those were the best. We would all gather at either my grandma Dorothy’s place or my grandpa Jarvis’ place. I was still a child then, so I just ran around and played games like tag and hide-and-seek. We would play for a while until the food was ready. We would eat while laughing and then after we would go right back to playing.

It was like that on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. There was always a feeling, to me, of warmth and happiness. Being together and being a family was comforting.

My cousins, sisters, and I were like best friends. We used to have walks early in the morning before the sun came up. We even created a club. The information was printed on paper that included the members, the time of meetings, and the rules. It was quite official. For a couple weeks, we would go to this “secret” place where we planned to build a clubhouse there.

Oh yeah, my sisters and I would sometimes go to our cousin’s house when they weren’t allowed to have people over. When their parents came home, we would run to our grandma’s house or hide if it was too late. We had some very good and hilarious times together. I wish it was still like that.

But as time went on, my relatives and I started going to different schools and finding “cliques” of our own. We started drifting apart. We no longer went on walks or played “house.”

I guess everything slowly changed as we grew up. Some moved away while others stayed.

Those fun and amazing holiday dinners we used to have became less important. We started having dinners with our own families. Now we don’t have them at all. I would call it a miracle to have everyone under the same roof without any anger towards someone these days.

Holidays have become just a regular day. Take today for example, I just stayed home and did nothing. We didn’t go to church or have a dinner. I didn’t even hear anyone say to each other, “Happy Easter!” That’s pretty sad because holidays used to be so fun and exciting. Now I feel like they’re nothing.

I’ve come to the realization that I took those days for granted. I didn’t realize how important they were. I was too busy looking towards the future to enjoy what I had at the time. Now I know, like Kurt Vonnegut said, “Enjoy the little things in life because one day you`ll look back and realize they were the big things.” 

The Loss of an Inconsequential Object

Losing something like your wallet in a restaurant or your suitcase in an airport is truly heart-breaking. It can ruin your mood for the rest of the day or maybe even week. You try your hardest to remember where you last seen it and still find nothing. It happens all the time, everywhere and every day.

I’ve had several experiences with this, but the one I will remember the most is losing my phone. It was the end of the Furious 7 movie when I noticed that I didn’t have my phone. I panicked looking all around the seats and the bathroom stalls. I asked the employees, but they didn’t find anything. They just told me they would call if anything was found.

I had the worst feeling ever and I took my anger out on everyone. I honestly don’t know why I was in a bad mood. It meant that I would get a new phone, but not until months. I had to continue on with my day like nothing happened.

The only thing I was worried about was my pictures. I hoped that all my photos were synced to Google. I checked on my sister’s phone, but not all were there. I noticed that the last photo taken was of a suitcase the night before the choir trip to California.

I remember the trip like it was yesterday. It’s probably the best trip I’ve ever had. I took a lot of pictures; pictures of the beach, of the Disney characters, and of the amazing places. We had a challenge to take pictures of specific circumstances and upload them to Instagram. I wasn’t really a social media person then so I only uploaded the ones I wanted, which was a few. It was a sad moment realizing that I would never have those photos ever again. I regretted not taking care of my phone.

Thinking of it now, it wasn’t or isn’t a big deal. If I didn’t lose my phone, I wouldn’t have bought a new and better phone— it’s still not the iPhone but oh well. I know that if I still had those pictures, it wouldn’t make difference. The photos I do have are just photos. I don’t cherish them like they’re diamonds. I barely even look at them or notice them. Yes, it is a great memory to have when I see them, but I can remember those memories on my own without looking at anything. I just have to think of it and there it is.

Even though I barely have any photos of the best spring break of my life, I have memories in my head that will probably stay there forever. That is what I tell myself. Other than those photos, my phone had no sentimental value and it wasn’t worth getting upset about. Just remember that when you lose something, decide whether it is that important to throw a fit about or if it’s that valuable to ruin your day. If not, then go on with life happily knowing what really matters.

An Insignificant Choice

It has been six months since I quit my job at Carl’s Jr. (Yes, the Carl’s Jr. that was in the newspaper a few weeks ago for something inappropriate but never mind that.) Everyone thinks that I quit because I was falling behind in school. That is only part of  the reason.

The days before I quit I had been contemplating whether I should quit or not. I decided that if I quit, I would have more time to do my homework and hang out with friends. If I didn’t, I would still have money for myself, but I would be tired all the time.. I clearly had my mind made up, but I didn’t actually come out and say it  until one moment.

The moment I realized that I wanted to quit, I was at the fair with my friends. They were telling me what they were doing the next night and it sounded fun, but I remembered that I was scheduled to work the next  night. I was bummed . I told them I couldn’t go with them and the reason why.

They knew that I didn’t like working there anymore, so they just told me quit. They gave me all the reasons why. That’s when I bluntly said, “I’m going to quit tomorrow.” They high-fived me and said some yays. I felt good.

The next day after school, I turned in my uniform and quit. I saw my boss’s face and it was filled with sadness, kind of. I felt bad because I found out that the day before someone else quit. I did what I had to do and the next hard part was telling my dad.

I was scared that he would yell at me, but he understood. I told him that my grades were going down and I’ve been really tired everyday. He just told me that it’s alright and at the end of the month that I should start applying for jobs.

That night I met up with my friends. I told them I quit and they were in shock. I guess they thought I wouldn’t do it. I told them that I’d rather be there with them. It was a fun night and I was glad I was there instead of at work.

A few weeks went by and I kind of had regret. I no longer had a job and I didn’t have that much money. I wished I still had a job. The thing that no one knew was that I quit because I wanted to have fun with my friends. I told my friends and my family that I quit due to my tiredness, but that was a white lie.

I traded a job that pays me money for a night out with my friends. I now think that night wasn’t really worth it. It didn’t have a long-term effect on me. I can barely even remember it. I kept telling myself that I quit because i was tired, but I wasn’t convinced. I quit for all the wrong reasons.

For weeks I was mad at myself for making the wrong decision, but then I thought to myself, everything happens for a reason, right? My mindset changed and I had to deal my decision. I haven’t had a job for six months and I have to watch what I spend.

If I went back to that night, I would tell myself to figure out what is really important in life and go for it. Don’t trade something important for something else not worth your time because in the end, those thing really don’t matter.

The True Me

For my first blog post ever, I, Chanda Hayes, want to make a statement about who I am. When I am asked to tell about myself, I usually answer, “I am eighteen years old and a senior year in high school. My favorite color is purple. I like to listen to music.” But is that who I really am? No, those are just the basics. For a more in depth description,  I am timid and quiet, as most would agree. I don’t like to talk in front of big crowds where I am the center of attention. Most importantly, I believe, I am my own person and no one else.

When I was small, I always wished to be like other girls. I always wanted what they had. Just like anyone else, I wanted to be the person who could stand up in front of the class and make the whole class laugh, but I never was and probably never will be due to the plain fact that I am neither hilarious nor confident enough. I wasn’t born with humor and I do not have high self-confidence. I was however born with different qualities. I often catch myself saying that I am not this and I am not that. Then I think to myself,  why worry about what  I am not when I could be focusing on what great qualities I do have. I gave this a lot thought and it has lead me to be embrace my characteristics and be grateful for them.

The major characteristic that most people would describe me of  being is  shy. I used to hate being shy and quiet. I wondered why I wasn’t able to speak my mind. I didn’t like that I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about anything. It often led me to want to be like others until the day someone told to cherish my shyness. It was honestly an awakening. My whole life my relatives would mention how quiet I was and it would somehow put me down. Now that I have been told that shyness is a great quality to have, I actually believe it and am able to embrace it. I don’t have to go around yearning to be gregarious and loud. I can just be me. Trust me, I still have times where I wish I wasn’t as shy because my grade had depended on it, but the best I could do was go one step at a time.

As a senior in high school, I may not truly know who I am supposed to be, but I do know who I am right now. I am someone who is shy, kind, and smart. I live to my own morals and believe in what I want to believe.  I don’t let others define me and I no longer want to be someone else because they have something better than me. I am who I am and I was put on this earth to be just me, Chanda, and no one else.